Sunday, October 7, 2007

October 7th 2007 - I am starting to have my doubts - tomorrow is my official Q-Day - But today is not the easist day so far - seems that I took a step backwards today - for some reason I gave into the urge to have a cigarette while driving to work this morning - then had another one after I ate my breakfast and took my pill - and had a total of 6 cigarettes yesterday which is 1 more then the previous days.

I had it all planned it out - I have 4 cigarettes left in my pack [which I had for 4 days now] and figured I will finish them off today and - starting tomorrow - on my way to becoming smoke free.... hmmmmmmmm

I'm really fighting the craving for one right now... I mean I had some 'real' cravings today like before I started taking chantix.... as if today's pill was a placebo.... is my mind playing tricks on me because tomorrow is Q-DAY???? or am I subconsciously craving to smoke more to fullfil my desire before I quit??? or is my brain telling me that I am not ready to be without it???

I read some blogs where the writers smoked to the last minute (without consciously cutting down) in order to "say goodbye" .... but I was both consciously and unconsciously cutting down the entire way from day one.... and I am afraid that if I do that now ... its like taking a step back.... then again .... it might be what I NEED in order to take that final leap.... to fullfill my need for it today and bid my final farewell....

PS I must say that I am eating larger portions and more requently... if this continues ...it will become an ISSUE for me personally.... I am not in the best shape to begin with... I weighed 195 lbs before I started Chantix.... I have'nt had a chance to weight myself since... but I think that this may become a problem.... I hardly ever ate breakfast... and now I must in order to take the pill... and I know this about myself... when I eat in the morning, I usually get hungry for lunch... and vice versa.... so when my breakfast consisted of coffee and a cigarette (I know how aweful that sounds) I didnt have an appetite to have a heavy lunch... NOW I AM EATING 3 REAL MEALS... breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks in between..... THIS IS BAD!!!!!

I am really having a difficult day today.... to top things off ... its very SLOW at work today and I have too much free time on my hands... this is a killer when trying to quit smoking.... as I mentioned in my very first Post "WHAT WILL I DO WITH THE TIME???"

Chanitx user requesting back-up.... over and out

3 comments:

maggie said...

Hang in there. It won't necessarily be easy, but you can do it, and I do think that the Chantix really will help because you have been smoking so much less, even if today has been more. Hard to say the reason, but like you mentioned, it could be because tomorrow is quit day. In any case, just keep moving forward, and you will make it.

I was a coffee and cigarette breakfast person, too. Then Chantix and something small with coffee. Then just coffee and Chantix (nausea was gone for awhile), then just coffee because Chantix nausea got me no matter what in the morning but was OK after lunch, and now, coffee only ;) My point is that being forced to eat breakfast is temporary, even if it is a habit I do wish I'd kept. Still, trying to stay a little more active in the form of walking has been helping. One battle at a time while not going out of my way to make the other one worse.

You'll make it ;)

MamaFlo said...

You can do this!
The Chantix will help, the amount of help depends somewhat on your resolve to quit. Today is my 12th day quit and I smoked a pack a day for 36 years, if I can do it, you can too.
I still have something small to eat before I take my morning Chantix and my evening Chantix and so far only one time have I felt nausea.
I love(d) coffee and the first week I couldn't hardly drink a cup but then it was okay and I can drink coffee now without the need for a cigarette.
You need to understand that you are an addict and that you will always be one cigarette away from your habit - don't smoke.
Good Luck, I'll check in daily to see how you are doing - YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Shopper123 said...

Thanks for the support and vote of confidence... I will attempt to stick to my schduled Q-DATE.